Recurring Dream, Recurring Theme

Dreaming of crowds - grayscaleTypically the way it works on a nightly basis is: despite the vivid experience of dreaming, the specific details of dreams tend to fade rather quickly upon waking. However, in spite of that fade away there tends to at least be some residue of the general theme or primary emotion experienced during the slumber.

For me, for as long as I can remember, the general recurring theme has been about connection & disconnection. Gatherings and un-gatherings. The progression seems to be:

  • A gathering of familiar and unfamiliar people (i.e. a crowd).
  • A separation from that gathering.
  • A journey of some sort, often alone.
  • Abandonment – a sense of separation and loss is prevalent throughout, sometimes causing emotional stress.
  • Reconciliation – the ultimate goal is to return, reunite and reconnect with familiar people and place (belonging). This, however, is not always a successful goal.

This is the ongoing series I deal with on a nightly basis without fail. It’s not always a disturbing experience as it’s happening, but when it is disturbing I tend to recollect that aspect upon waking.

I’ve long wanted to indulge in dream analysis therapy and have someone of a  psychological profession help interpret my dreams, or at least the residue of them. But even without that I know that at my core the fear of abandonment has always been there. Why? I can’t be sure, but they say these things tend to be the result of a traumatic experience at a young age. So perhaps mine is due to getting lost at an amusement park (King’s Island in Ohio) at age six just as the place was closing and everyone was leaving. A traumatic experience for a child at that age, so far from home and faced with the unknown.

I also know that at my core I’m all about making and preserving connections to people. And, like most, I’ve dealt with more than my share of disconnections, regrettably. So I know that sense of loss is inherent to the proceedings.

Given all that, I’m inclined to believe this recurring theme will always be a part of my nightly dreaming.