Lifebook 4 | The Struggle is Real

Lifebook, Writing

This post thematically picks up where yesterday’s Workbook 7 | April: Ramping Down leaves off in that it’s more of me essentially calling myself out for being passively creative instead of actively creative.



1. inertness, especially with regard to effort, motion, action, and the like; inactivity; sluggishness.

That’s me. The frequently sluggish, often inactive guy who calls himself a writer but finds himself doing very little of it in recent years. It’s a common theme around here. Oh, of course my mind is always in motion and working on ideas new and old, but I have very little to show for it as all that creative thinking tends not to translate onto a page — blank or otherwise. The working update for the month of April noted above pretty much details my current state of creative blues.

Given the tired old subject matter of this post, you could subtitle it as A Greatest Hits of Misses or perhaps A Mixtape of Misery, either of which coming to you from a man who is not at all happy with himself at this current juncture. To wit, here’s the track list, if you will, for Brandon Rucker’s Greatest Hits of Misses: A Mixtape of Misery (with very brief excerpts):

Journal Juice 4 | Noise – “I remain in awe of those – particularly writers, but any creative folk – who can effectively eliminate the Noise with even just a modicum of success. External. And Internal. Noise is generally that thing that imposes itself within the path of the Muse.”

Journal Juice 6 | The Great Retreat – “I contemplate receding from social media and fully embracing what would be a truly hermitic existence, the company of my nuclear family notwithstanding, of course. To what benefit, one might wonder? Hmm. I can only imagine the amount of writing I could get done.”

Journal Juice 8 | Inert – “There are times when there is so much I need to do – and so much that I truly want to do and accomplish and succeed at – that at the end of the day I find myself having done none of it at all.  No progress made.  Nothing ventured.  Nothing offered.  Nothing gained.”

Journal Juice 10 | Burden of Talent – “There’s something to be said about the burden of talent. When one believes he has it, right or wrong, he is bound and driven to do something with it. And just like the talent itself, the constant nagging to use it is innate.”

Lifebook 3 | Indecision & Creative Inertia – “Months on end now, since the waning days of last summer, I had been battling what can only be described as typical Libran indecisiveness, which in turn leads to stasis and creative inertia.”

So what, exactly, is holding me back? It’s in the text, context and subtext of all those previous entries, really. One thing I am going do to try to stimulate change is truly retreat from social media, at least for the better part of a month. Beginning today, May 1st. I’ll still use it, but with certain limitations and moderation. For instance, I will use it during the work day of 9 to 6, but essentially once I’m home, the notifications will be turned off until just before bed. This should cut down on distractions in the evening since the evening is the only time I’ll be free to write.

I’ve also contemplated rising from bed every morning at 6 AM to have two very quiet hours to write while in a post-dreaming state of being. That, of course, would mean that I would be going to bed no later than midnight. That’s a serious struggle for the nocturnal one.

I also need to carve out more time for reading, as I have so much reading material stockpiled it’s ridiculous. I’ve done this somewhat already recently, reading a couple of hours before bed. On weekends I need to do more of it and probably devote 2-4 hours of whatever time I’m not writing or being a family man, toward reading.

Hey, I’m trying! Sincere effort is at least half the battle. Let’s see what the reward will be.

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